23. The Crystal Queen
Leonard Starr
Reviewed by: Purrsia

Lion-O and Panthro are out for an evening cruise in the Thunder Tank when they note a peculiar streak in the sky. Their pursuit of it is hindered when the Tank stalls. It's discovered that the Thundrillium Module has run down -- the recharging of which is part of Snarf's duties. The 'Cats discuss Snarf's aging and assumed forgetfullness to be a sign that they should scale back his responsibilities. I'd vote for having a kegger and roasting him on a spit, myself. You know, kinda like a Logan's Run type send-off, cannibal style; "You're old and useless, let's eat ya!"

Panthro returns to the Lair for the spare, while Lion-O stays with the Tank.


Back at the Lair, Snarf is bitching about Panthro and Lion-O being late -- he's got dinner on the table, dern them! Turns out, the other 'Cats find the food too spicy. Snarf indignantly denies there's a thing wrong with his meal, tastes it, and in a comical sequence, waits until he's in the other room before nearly breathing fire, hehe. More comic relief ensues when Panthro arrives and Snarf tries to remember where he left the spare module.

Of course, Snarf is worried about Lion-O, but Panthro pooh-poohs the idea of Snarf tagging along. While finishing up the dinner dishes [in a pink apron with a cat on it LOL!], Snarf gets a feeling Lion-O needs him and runs off to eventually stow away in the Tank's trunk anyway.


Meanwhile, Lion-O wanders from his Thunder Tank-sitting duty and into the Berbil Village, attracted to the sound of melodic singing. Upon arriving there, he questions Robear Bill who explains that the beautiful Arietta bird visits the Village -- its singing ensures the robotic bears a good crop of fruit. Sadly, he notes, this bird may be the last of its kind.

Suddenly, a flying sled swoops down and tries to snatch the bird off its perch. Robear Bill explains it all -- apparently blessed with an encyclopedia chip; ever notice that when things need explaining he's around to give a full history? The woman in the sled is Queen Tartara, ruler of the Crystal Kingdom and selfish as hell. He tells Lion-O that she's sought the Arietta bird for some time, wanting to trap it and make it sing only for her. This notion sends Lion-O into high smarm mode, and upon her next attempt the grab the bird -- which is successful -- Lion-O grabs onto one of the sled's runners and goes for a ride.

Lion-O's fingers grow numb from the cold, as the sled flies high into the snowy mountains toward the Crystal Kingdom. He's forced to let go, the soft snow cushioning his fall.


Once he's got two feet firmly on the ground, he faces off with a mountain goat as well as several Snowmen-esque armed guards. Once he disposes of the guards, he dons one of their warm uniforms and prepares to slip into Tartara's palace undetected.


Whilst all this is going on, Panthro leaves the Berbil Village to look for Lion-O after the bears filled him in on what happened to Lion-O. He ends up realizing Snarf is in the trunk during the third comic relief bit of this ep -- you see, Snarf is trapped in the trunk, a-har-har-har. Panthro chastises him before going off the check out a trail on foot -- and he warns Snarf to stay put. Of course, Snarf doesn't listen after he spies Lion-O's bootprints heading in the opposite direction and follows them.


Inside the palace, Lion-O makes his way to the outside of the treasure room, where blindfolded guards try to accost him. He easily gets past them and enters the room. There he finds the Queen -- who, by the way, has the *most annoying voice* on Third Earth [and yes, that's counting Luna!] -- demanding that the Arietta bird sing for her pleasure. When the bird refuses, she orders two more blindfolded guards to destroy the bird -- afterall, it's peacock-like feathers will make a fine fashion statement. Lion-O will not allow this and boldly steps in. The Queen is not amused by his smarm, and while Lion-O is going on about how he's going to kick some ass, she magically encases him in a crystal -- all because he looked at her treasure. And really, Lion-O should have known better from watching the Mutants and Mumm-Ra fuck up: Kick Ass First, Gloat Later!


The Queen and her guards leave -- oddly without destroying the bird. Moments later, Snarf tunnels his way underground and conveniently ends up in the treasure room. After yet another comical moment trying to free Lion-O himself with some kind of septor, he gets the bright idea to use the bird to free him. Snarf figures if the bird hits a high enough note, it'll shatter the crystal. The noise, of course, attracts the Queen and her guards.


It's too little too late, though, as Lion-O is freed and Panthro blasts through the wall with the Tank. The 'Cats cause so much damage to the palace, it crumbles X_x


Back at the Village, they discuss the bird's singing and observe how it makes the candyfruit all plump and vibrant -- viagra for fruit! And they admit that though old and ridiculous, Snarf is somehow useful. Damn.

Fave Quotes:

"When I build 'em, they don't *dare* break down." -- Panthro's response to Lion-O assuming mechanical failure brought the Tank to a halt.

"There is always some benefit to be found in misfortune." -- Lion-O quoting some of Jaga's wisdom.

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